i remember whitney.

(this post can also be found on the huffington post)

if you’ve read “WHATEVERLAND” or listened to my radio show, you probably already know that i grew up with a dad in the music business. i spent many a day in a recording studio, met many recording artists, vacationed with barbra streisand, spent time with dolly parton, sat on stage with elton john, and hung out back stage with i can’t recall how many performers.
but really no performer sang my emotions and my thoughts like whitney houston did. i did get to meet her once. briefly. it was surreal. 

in 1985 when whitney released her debut album “whitney houston”,   i remember singing along to “saving all my love” with my best friend leslie. and i remember giggling at the part “…we’ll be making love the whole night through…” it was exciting to hear her sing that line. and to sing along with her.  boys were on my brain ofcourse! but they were NOT in my pants. making love! ha! but dreaming about the who and when… you betcha.

and when i was feeling down, insecure and like a loser with no crushes liking me back… “greatest love of all” became my anthem. in 1986 i recorded my (shoddy) karaoke version of it in a sound booth in a florida amusement park. (have to search my attic to see if i can find it!)
i had longed to be a singer back then, and i didn’t sound a thing like whitney.
but i was certain i felt like her.

as a 17 year old experiencing heartache, i listened to “all at once” dozens of times, in a row. she captured completely what i was feeling in a 3 minute song. “all at once, i’m drifting on a lonely sea, hoping you’d come back to me… and it hurts me more than you know, so much more than it shows, all at once”
i still hear that song in my head when i am sad about something.
or i have a pang of longing for what used to be.

my friend leslie and i would be goofy in 1987- still listening to that same tape from 1985- while we danced along to “how will i know”… i think we’d scream when it came on at a party and jump on the dance floor and do our best whitney impression.. she was NOT known for her dancing.

whitney houston’s rendition of  ”the star spangled banner” at 1991 superbowl was unforgettable. we all learned the lyrics to that song finally because it was played on the radio constantly.  and as much as we tried to sing along to her version,  none of us could belt it like whitney did.

soon came the body guard. and whitney houston’s freaking amazing cover of “i will always love you”. mind blowing. insane. incredible. 

when whitney married bobby brown in 1992 after meeting him in 1989,  i remember the hubbub- she was such a glorious princess… remarkably beautiful on the outside and talented beyond all rational understanding. and she was marrying a punk. it felt disappointing in a way. and incredibly humanizing in another- she, like us, could make bad choices too.

and sadly her bad choices continued.
addiction became her new career.

it seemed like a reprieve from the drugs and darkness when whitney released “i’m every woman” in 1993. and a true whitney houston fan can admit this was the only time whitney showed dance ability and rhythm in a video.
im convinced it was because she was pregnant with her daughter and full of hope and excitement.   whitney’s  joy was infectious. her hope was contagious.

the late 90s and up until now whitney houston has been in and out of the press. and mostly for stories unrelated to her musical ability.

but tonight. we are talking about her music and her talent. 
because she’s gone.  

xo
jenny

jenny, you’ve disappointed me again. another listener takes issue with me.

listener marcia sent an email counseling me that i needn’t counsel others (ironic?!).
here are the relevant parts of her email: 

“Jenny:

I started listening to your program the first day that you started this particular format – that being without Alexis Stewart. I don’t consider myself within your demographic (I just turned 56) but I stuck with you and had actually started to enjoy your program.  Imagine my disappointment today when you all decided to question and criticize Dr. Laura Schlessinger.  Dr. Laura gives advice on the radio because she has her doctorate in marriage and family therapy.  She’s not espousing opinions as such but facts… I find it amusing that Jane Pratt and yourself, both radio personalities, you a lawyer and she an editor/publisher think you’re qualified to give advise.  I would recommend that you do away with that portion of your programming since you aren’t qualified unless it has to do with the field of law your licensed to practice.

…And Dr.Laura’s family was in the concentration camps in Europe during the Holocaust, she’s not a convert. You see, you have spoken too quickly about something you had too little facts about.”

and my response:

hi marcia!
thank you for taking the time to write me. and thank you for correcting me about dr. laura’s jewish heritage. it was the end of my show when radio sean ryan told me dr. laura had converted to judaism (read: throwing radio sean ryan under the bus!) and out of time to research for myself, i took his information as being accurate. i appreciate the corrected information from you.

i also appreciate your OPINION (or do you deem it “fact” as you consider all of dr laura’s opinions to be) that i, along with my friend jane pratt, are unqualified to give advice (or as you wrote “advise”).

BUT

i strongly disagree with your assertion.

i believe jane is qualified to give advice. and i think she gives GREAT advice.
and i’m comfortable dispensing my advice when asked.
and btw, yes, i am an attorney.  and i am also a published author who wrote a…wait for it… “self help” book called WHATEVERLAND. 

it is not just the trained therapist who can help and advise others.
if that were the case then it would be unwise to take counsel from our moms, or our friends, or our spouses. some of the best advice ive ever received has been from my husband. 

obviously in the case of severe distress or issues beyond my scope of expertise, experience and knowledge, i would tell someone to seek professional help IN PERSON. and i would think even dr. laura would do this- since she is dispensing her wisdom via radio too.  

i’m not typically judgmental of people who make the “unpopular” or  societally “wrong” choice.
to me very little is actually black and white. and very few people, if any, are ACTUALLY holier than thou.

so when i talk to others it is with full awareness that i too could end up in any boat- the same or another equally difficult but different one.

we don’t screw up on purpose most of the time. but we all do screw up.

why is it necessary for me to bully a caller into fixing problems?  can’t i nurture a caller to the same place?! or at least try?!

i am not a therapist. but i am a woman happy to listen intently and help when asked.

xo
jenny 

 


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so what if i’d like to be a milf…

today im 42. 
and today, along with being a successful devoted working mother and wife, i want (desperately?!) to be a milf.  
a milf is a “mother i’d like to eff” (different from being a cougar because a cougar wants to be effed and is the predator- a milf is the prey!)
in my 20s, it seemed the opposite of normal that i was uncomfortable being sexy. every girl (who had the body to!) rocked the tight low cut shirts with short shorts or tight jeans and those who were not so able bodied would wear other sexually compelling (or is it complimentary) clothing- dresses with deep vs, short skirts, booty displaying pants, or high heels. 
when i dressed sexy at 22 (because i had the body to do so for about 2 months!) i felt like a fraud.
and i was so nervous, i am sure i was emitting some “do not come anywhere near me” scent. 
i was embarrassed to own my sexuality.
i was embarrassed to own my power to turn men on. 
i was ashamed to want the attention from men for my being sexy. 
and now at 42 i’m no longer embarrassed or ashamed to want the attention for being perceived as sexy.
heck, ill scream from the rooftop: “please (still) find me sexy! please please give me this kind of attention while i still have time- while i still ovulate!” 
but again, i am the opposite of normal. because according to our still far too uptight society i’m SUPPOSED to be embarrassed to admit the want of male attention. 

and that’s fucked up.
why are women of a certain age, especially married women with children, supposed to quiet down the want to be desirable to someone other than our spouses or significant others?
i work hard to no longer have a giant ass.
i work hard to limit the amount of jiggle visible beneath my biceps.
i work hard to smell good.
i work hard to keep my breasts elevated (well i suppose the bra is working harder than i am!)
i work hard to make sure the head on my hair remains full and lovely.
i work hard to make sure there’s VERY LITTLE hair anywhere else. 
i work hard to keep my hormone-ally charged skin from breaking out in conspicuous places. 
and i want to be rewarded for my effort by a glance, a wink, a hoot, a howl, or a solicitation. 

i won’t thwart the glance, may even egg it on,  but i will say no (99.9999 % of the time).
i’d like for all women including mothers my age and younger to embrace being hot, sexy, dirty and milfy.
it is healthy. and should be deemed appropriate and normal.
sex in some capacity or another drives each of us. 
just admit it, be ok with it.
and then have fun.

xo
jenny 

forgive me for not blogging but

im way busy “pinterest-ing“… and i hate it. i feel so competitive with MYSELF. im a pinterest failure and need to remedy the situation.
xo
jenny
(i’m having a very “pinteresting” day…)